Donnie Darko’s Grim America

Lose the face mask, add a combover, you get the gist

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Would somebody please flip on the lights! I can’t see my fair America for all the fog and carnage and dilapidated infrastructure kicking up dust. Reminds me of the London smog of ’52 back when I hacked up my first lung. Only we can’t blame this one on God.

If you thought the arc of history bent toward justice, even just a little bit, here comes Donnie Darko to set you straight, descending from the Mount with a scowl and red tie, channeling the super villain Bane.

You can’t make this shit up. The Dark Night Rises. As Deepak Chopra said, confront your shadow people, this is your life.

“We take Gotham from the corrupt! The rich! The oppressors of generations who have kept you down with the myths of opportunity, and we give it back to you … Courts will be convened. Spoils will be enjoyed. Blood will be shed. The police will survive, as they learn to serve true justice. This great city… it will endure.”

Lose the face mask, add a combover, and you get the gist of Donnie Darko’s triumph-a-trump inauguration speech.

Just don’t think about those corrupt, rich, oppressors of generations tapped by Donnie Darko for the Swamp Creature Cabinet. Seriously, don’t. even. think about it.

And no need to watch the speech either, I’m here to report:

“Doom and Gloom” … “Raw, Angry, Aggrieved” … “Hitlerian” … “Basically Quoted Bane” … “Painted an Ugly Picture of America” … “Short, Dark, Defiant” … “Leaves Himself Out of Speech Almost Entirely” … “Offered Nothing to a Fractured Nation”

Move along people, nothing to see here. History will not be our guide.

Meanwhile over in Moscow, YUGE celebrations in the streets. Or so my sources tell me. But damn, Melania looked hot in that dress!

Thank the gods I have a fresh six-pack. This party is just getting started.

Yours,
The Severed Head